I spent three days in LA and ate a lot.
First encounter: I was starving by the time I got to my hotel. I was told to visit Nagila. Nagila is really two places. The left side is dairy and the right side is meat. I went to the right. I ordered shwarma. It was good. It makes sense that the shwarma was good. LA is a major city. It has a large Jewish population. It attracts a large number of Israelis. It obviously has a decent shwarma joint. I was pleased because my shwarma experience was authentic – French fries were stuffed in the sandwich (not as a side dish), and no silly American gimmicks like lettuce. It was good, not very messy – it was wrapped in a type of wax paper and held together with a piece of masking tape! (I have never seen that before) – and it didn’t sit in my stomach like a lump. If you are in LA and need shwarma, I recommend Nagila.
Next: I ate three times at Jeff’s Gourmet Sausage. What a treat. Allan was the first person to take me there. I decided to eat light because I had a second dinner planned for later that night. I ordered the Smoked Chicken and Apple Sausage. It was good although it was basically just a fancy hot dog – I was expecting more. Someone had hyped it and I was expecting my mouth to do back flips. But don’t get me wrong – it was tasty. I also ate most of Allan’s BBQ wings. The wings were served with a white Ranch Sauce. It tasted like treif – wow – very good.
Later that night I went out with my Persian posse. We started late and most of the restaurants were closed, so we went back to Jeff’s. I ordered the spicy wings (different from the BBQ wings, which were more tangy). Wow! And you should know – I am not a wings guy. I don’t usually order wings or go out my way to find them. But these were good. Hot. Spicy. Tasted like treif. And they were messy! I had to wash my hands and face before I could talk to anyone.
The next day I had a meeting in Beverly Hills. We ordered lunch from Pat’s. I had a salmon salad. After all the wings, sausage, and shwarma I wanted light. The salad came with mango, funky dressing, and an awesome chunk of grilled salmon.
I was busy the rest of the day (I didn’t only eat in LA). Late that night I went back to Jeff’s and got a Pastrami Burger. Jeff’s was three-for-three. The burger was great. I didn’t waste my time eating French fries – and this is a good thing – I wasn’t so stuffed that I couldn’t move.
LA was a great trip and I want to express my sincerest thanks to the cows that gave their lives in order to make my experience worthwhile.
May 21st, 2009
It took three years and two trips to Seattle, but I finally made it to the grave of Jimi Hendrix.
Jimi is buried in Greenwood Memorial Park in Renton (a Seattle suburb) just around the corner from Boeing’s airplane factory (you can see the new 737’s covered in green sticky plastic as you drive by). A massive marble tent (similar to the Ohel of Rabbi Chaim Ozer Grodonsky, l’havdil) is constructed over his grave. The walls are covered with large images of Jimi, his lyrics, and other Jimi iconography. It looks like the site will eventually be used for the entire Hendrix family, though today there are only a few other people buried there.
I didn’t pray or recite any chapters from Psalms. I did hum the words to Voodoo Child, however, and I played air guitar too.
I have now been to Jimi’s grave in Seattle, Elvis in Memphis, and Jim Morrison in Paris. Jack Kerouac is buried in Lowell, MA – not far from where I live – maybe that should be my next trip.
May 13th, 2009
I am not happy with Massachusetts today.
Here is my story. I need to renew my registration for my car by the end of April (Thursday). I received a letter in the mail that I could not renew until I paid all my old tickets. It listed the tickets and told me I had to contact each municipality separately. Not cool. But it gets worse.
Ticket Number One:
This ticket is from Brookline. I hate Brookline. I hate everything Brookline stands for. If you read the signs that welcome you to Brookline they say, “Welcome to Brookline. Don’t Park In Our Town.” Right away you know they are scum.
Last year, my wife’s father died. She went to England and I was leaving the next day to join her for the funeral. I went to Brookline to buy a book for my flight. I parked and put a quarter in the meter. The meter didn’t acknowledge my quarter! I was not going to put another one in so I left and went to the store. I came back five minutes later. The meter maid was writing my ticket. I yelled, “STOP!” and told her my story. Unfortunately the meter maid was filth and kept writing. She didn’t believe me and told me I could fight it if I wanted. Who has time to do that?
In the end it cost me $65. I hope they choke on it.
Ticket Number Two:
This ticket is from Amherst. In October 2007 I was in Amherst meeting students and drinking coffee. I noticed a cop writing tickets when I parked my car. It was 2 o’clock. I asked the cop, “Do I have until 5 or 6?” He said, “6.” The meter only let me feed it until 5. At 5:05 I went out to put in more money. There was already a ticket on my car marked at 5:01. The despicable slime came back, stood by my car, and wrote the ticket the second it expired!
In the end it cost me $50. At least the Parking Clerk is super-friendly on the phone and very helpful and empathetic.
Ticket Number Three:
Boston. I never got a ticket! One day a letter came in the mail and said I owed $53. I blew it off too – who has time to waste dealing with all this nonsense?
In the end it cost me $73.
Total: $188 for nothing. Impeach Deval. Fire Menino. And I still have to pay the fee to renew my registration!
April 28th, 2009
Get my new book, Everything You Want Is Really Jewish! It is fun. Fast. Deep. It will blow your mind.
Everything You Want Is Really Jewish is a book about pseudo-hipsters, hairstyles, loud music, Czech beer, shwarma, the art of New York driving, music school, Israel, and the Earth Jew. It is about identity and asking questions. It is about being Jewish. It is about frustration and not knowing what to ask. It is about everything: and that everything you want, you already know.
The photos alone are worth the cost of the book. As a matter of fact, the photos are so cool you should buy two copies!
You can order the book online at Lulu.com - this is the link.
Enjoy and tell me how much you love it.
April 17th, 2009
Americans do peculiar things. They decorate their Christmas Trees with Succos decorations. They sell Purim costumes in October. And they dress up as bearded Chasidim (but for some reason they wear red outfits and funny hats).
March 19th, 2009
Where have I been? Yikes! My beloved More Torah readers – I am sorry for the prolonged absence. And there is so much to tell.
Here is a crazy experience: last Thursday I was tired beyond belief – more tired than ever. I couldn’t figure out why. I got up, had a cup of coffee, got on with my day – and it was the same as every other day. But I was dying. I fell asleep in the synagogue. I fell asleep eating breakfast. I couldn’t get going.
Later that day I went to Whole Foods (lame hippie garbage I know) to get more coffee. What did I discover? We bought decaf!
I am now starting a crusade to make decaf illegal – what an outrage.
March 17th, 2009
Great news! My new book is out. This book is everything you ever wanted to know about word-of-mouth recruitment on a college campus. You will learn about the 12 standard recruitment techniques: what works, what doesn’t, and why. And then you will learn all the secrets to generate real word-of-mouth. Get people talking about your club, group, trip, event, or whatever it is you do!
You can read more and order your copy at Lulu. DO IT!
February 23rd, 2009
You want wild?
My dream guitar in high school was the B.C. Rich Bich. It was handmade, neck-through-the-body, really expensive, and loaded with oodles of cool buttons. As I got better at guitar, I made it my mission to get one. I worked summer jobs and slaved away for about two years. Finally one day I made the trek to Sam Ash music in Paramus and bought one. I was in heaven. (This is exactly what mine looked like):
My B.C. Rich was my main guitar throughout high school and college, and the main axe I used when I began playing professionally. Most of the recording sessions I did in the early 90’s were done with it too.
But it had its drawbacks – the biggest being the Kahler whammy bar. The guitar was always out of tune, and very difficult to get back into tune. On gigs, if I broke a string, I was forced to switch guitars (not true with most guitars with a standard bridge). As the years went by, I got fed up and eventually made the switch to the Tele and Les Paul I still use.
Once I was living in Israel and my music career was on hold, I decided to sell my B.C. Rich. I sold it to a student in Jerusalem for $550 and though it was sad, I never looked back.
Until last week.
I was in Phoenix giving a talk and my host told me about the cool B.C. Rich he found in a dumpster in Har Nof. I said, “What kind?” He said, “A Bich.” I said, “I used to have one. It had a big crack in the neck.” (I dropped it once on a gig. It was repaired but left a wound.)
This is where it gets cool.
He had just moved to Phoenix and was still unpacking. He unwrapped the B.C. Rich and…
…it was my guitar! No joke. Crack on the neck and everything.
The guitar has taken a real beating and needs love. But there it was. How insane is that?
(You can read about a similar model here.)
November 23rd, 2008
Good news.
Fluffy scored her second “kill” this morning.
Found this morning at the bottom of the stairs was a mouse – lifeless, dead. Fluffy was next to her trophy (and made sure we all saw).
Fluffy’s first “kill” was on Rosh Hashanah, although she was still taunting her pray when we left the house and therefore the “kill” remains unconfirmed. But today’s – what a treat.
I think we’ll serve fish for dinner, unless someone can suggest something better.
November 4th, 2008
If you are like me and you need to get up before 7 AM, you have probably noticed that it is dark-like-night when you wake up. This is unnatural and weird.
I hate waking up in the dark, especially when it is not in the middle of winter.
Why are we still on “daylight savings time”?
This unnatural state of prolonged morning darkness is the product of Massachusetts Congressman Ed Markey. Markey thinks we should get rid of standard time to save energy (daylight savings all year long).
Excuse me Mr. Markey but:
- Stupid idea
- You are ruining my mornings
Fortunately, Markey’s plan didn’t pass. Instead we got a compromise. Daylight savings time ends a week later in the fall and starts three weeks earlier in the spring (not good, but better than daylight savings time all year long).
The good news is that this weekend finally marks the end of daylight saving’s hell – life goes back to normal on Sunday.
By the way, Markey is also the chairman of the House Subcommittee on Telecommunications and the Internet and he is actively pushing legislation to shut down free speech and people he disagrees with on the radio.
Darkness all year and an end to free speech – next thing he’ll do is try to stop global warming and ruin my chances of turning Boston into San Diego.
Yikes.
October 31st, 2008
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