Meatballs Revealed

My meatball subs were a huge hit this Purim (they always are, but this year they were particularly good) and I am revealing my secret recipe. This is big news, please try them yourself and feel free to comment, offer improvements, health tips – whatever you want.

For starters, you will need a huge pot and a lot of meat (Rubashkins sells ground beef in 10 pound tubes, I bought two.) I was looking for a bargain and bought the cheapest, fattest meat I could get. It was a big plus – as the fat melted away, it left a flavor that was out of this world, but I am getting way ahead of myself.

Other ingredients included:

• Two bags of onions
• One large jar of minced garlic (tip – the spices, and “spice” products sold in the Hispanic section of the supermarket are not only usually Kosher, but at least half the price of the same stuff sold in other sections of the store)
• Olive oil
• Six large cans of tomato puree
• Two of the bigger cans of tomato paste
• Leftover challah and a loaf of Italian bread
• Assorted spices (I used garlic powder, onion powder, oregano, basil, black pepper and a wee bit of salt – but it doesn’t matter, if the meat is fatty enough all the other spices get lost in the mix)
• Eggs

The cooking process was very simple. I cut up almost all of the onions, dumped them into the bottom of my huge pot along with a healthy dose of olive oil, added all the minced garlic and stirred until it caramelized. Once it was hot and very yellow, but before the onions started to burn (if they burn you’ve gone too far and the sauce is ruined), I added one can of the puree. I then refilled the empty can of puree with water and added that. I repeated this process with the remaining 5 cans. After the puree and caramelized gunk was hot, I added the two cans of tomato paste and more water and stirred until it all dissolved.

While the sauce was warming, I put all the leftover challah in the food processor, ground it to dust, and added two onions and spices. I did this again as I went along with the loaf of Italian bread, but it was mushy and not nearly as good for meatball making as the old challah.

I then kneaded five pounds of meat, added about a quarter of a loaf of bread, and kneaded some more. When the texture seemed good, I add three eggs and all the spices. I kneaded until it looked done. (This year, I defrosted the meat early. It was a very good move because usually the meat is so cold my hands start to hurt.)

By this point the sauce was boiling, I stood next to the bowl and rolled five pounds (plus bread) of meat into balls and lovingly dropped them one at a time into the sauce. I did this entire process a few more times until all 20 pounds of beef were gone. At some point along the way I added spices to the sauce plus a pinch of salt.

It took me about 3 hours to complete this entire process; all the while the pot was boiling and boiling. By the time I was done, there were about 3 or 4 inches of grease (the joy of cheap meat) floating at the top of the pot. I let it cook until late in the evening. The next morning, my wife turned the pot back on and ladled off 3 large puree cans of grease!

Because of the pre-Purim fast, I was unable to taste as I went – it was a big plus and only added to the mystery. But it was worth the wait. I served the entire concoction on large seeded sub rolls to a group of about 50. Almost all of it went and I am now a hero to many. Follow these directions carefully and you too can be the envy of all your friends.

March 15th, 2006 General, Food Talk