Marriage/Relationships
Aish.com posted a few videos I made about relationships. There are many comments and I am surprised that these videos are controversial. I guess people have strong opinions about maintaining healthy relationships.
But the comments weren’t only limited to content, one viewer looked up my info and sent me an email – and this is shocking:
Thought: your glasses need to be updated. Nothing too trendy, but more narrow, less rounded. Try to get them up higher on nose too (if they can fit this way). I think this will look more stylish, and remove any elements of goofiness that might be imparted to the viewer.
Whoa - like I am not the embodiment of style? Unbelievable.
To be honest, I hate my glasses too – but not because they are not trendy. I hate my glasses because they are too trendy.
Back in the early 90s, when I got my first pair of glasses, large (huge) lenses were in. Large lenses/large frames is what they sold and consequently what I bought. I looked great and was able to see.
About ten years later, fashion changed. Large was out, small was in. My wife and mother conspired against me – they said I looked goofy and that I needed smaller lenses. I broke down, got a new pair of thin, trendy glasses, and I have been miserable ever since. Every time I have my head down, but need to glance up at something, I end up looking over the top of my glasses and see a field of blur. If I had my old huge frames, my eyes would still be covered by the glasses when I look up and I would be able to see fine. But no, because I am a slave to fashion I walk around unable to see.
My only recourse is to wait. When huge glasses are in again I will buy a pair. They will be the last pair I ever plan to buy. When huge goes out and small is back in – too bad – I keep the old, out-dated large lenses and the world can laugh – hahaha – I don’t care – I want to see.
My critic continues:
Also, face sheen is “faced” by many under the lights. Would suggest toning down side lighting and experimenting with face powder possibly.
This is probably legit too, but I don’t care. I am happy to goof around with lighting but there is no way I am putting on any powder. Next thing you know I’ll be a circus performer with whiteface and big red lips – no thank you.
February 11th, 2008
Check this out - video Tzvi is up on aish.com - it is surprisingly controversial - wow.
February 5th, 2008
Still another video “script.”
Men, your wife needs to talk.
When she talks, she speaks out her feelings – she sees that you understand her, validate her emotions, and this makes her feel better – it makes her feel very good about you and your relationship.
When she starts talking, she will probably be emotional, and you are probably somehow the cause of her troubles. She will launch into a tirade, filled with wild exaggerations, seemingly directed at you.
Because you are a thickheaded half-monkey (i.e. the typical male), your giant (yet fragile) ego will be bruised, you will get defensive, and your most natural instinct will be to speak up and defend yourself.
WATCH OUT – this is a trap!
Keep your mouth shut, at all costs, don’t say anything – anything you do or say can and WILL be used against you.
Let her talk. Smile, be concerned, empathetic, understanding – and listen to her. Let her know you are listening by saying “Umm” “Uh huh” “Oh really” “Did she really say that?” “I am sorry, that must have really upset you” at points along the way.
When she is done, she will feel good, she got it all out and she knows that you care and understand. She will thank you for being a great husband, a good listener, kind, understanding, and exactly what she needs.
Your only job is to sit on your hands, bite your tongue, let her talk, and don’t be a defensive, stupid male.
July 19th, 2007
This is another video “script.”
What is the key to a successful marriage?
A good marriage is built on understanding – you need to know your spouse’s good points and bad points. You then need to focus on the good points. That nice feeling you get when you think about how kind, caring and wonderful your spouse is, and how this kind, caring, wonderful person married a bum like me, this feeling is called love. Growing in love is the key to a successful marriage.
A bad marriage is also built on understanding: when you know your spouse’s good points and bad points, and then focus on the bad points. If you think too much about how he squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle and doesn’t fold it up neatly from the bottom, or how she is costing you a fortune because she never turns off the lights when she leaves a room – this would be the opposite of love. Growing out of love is the best way to ruin a marriage.
Whether or not your marriage is good or bad is entirely up to you. Your obligation is to know your spouses’ good and bad points and then focus on the good, find more good, and constantly identify her with her goodness.
[If you think a good marriage is yours by right, and you expect her to look for your goodness (which is obviously in abundance), and she will never appreciate you enough (because you are obviously so amazing) – your love will fizzle and you marriage will end in ruins.]
A good marriage doesn’t happen by accident just because you deserve it, you will have a good marriage because you realize that it is your obligation to constantly rediscover how amazing the person you married is.
Spend five minutes once a week thinking about another one of your spouses’ good points. Write it down. At the end of the year you will have 52 more reasons why you love her. Write them all down in a card and give it to her on your anniversary.
Your marriage will be golden.
July 19th, 2007
I wrote a few “scripts” for a few short one-minute video spots. The videos will be online someday, for now - enjoy the write ups.
Women, you have married an immature, pre-adolescent, festering ball of ego.
Every man thinks he is his wife’s “knight in shining armor.”
He needs to know that you appreciate all he does, and that you depend on him to solve your problems and make life bearable. If not, he thinks he has failed, and failing makes him feel very bad.
He needs to know that he is your big man and savior.
As hard as you work, and as difficult as your life’s challenges may be, you can’t raise these issues when he first walks in the door. When he comes home from a hard day, he is exhausted, beaten by his day, and he is not able to listen or be understanding. If you try to “show him how hard you work” and how difficult your life is, he will:
- Consider you a complaining, ungrateful, useless freeloader and
- Deep down he will feel like he has failed in his mission to provide and that you don’t respect him, what he does, and that he is not your “knight in shining armor.”
This is a death-sentence for his ego and he will react badly, angrily, and will not be able to listen or give you the time, space and attention that you deserve.
You need to be dressed nicely, greet him with a smile, ask him if he needs to sit down, give him a snack, pour him a drink, rub his shoulders, let him know how much you appreciate all he does for you, and give him a few minutes to relax.
Once he is comfortable, confident, and firmly in charge – then you can let him have it!
I stole some of this from a talk by Rabbi Akiva Tatz, you can find the original here.
July 19th, 2007
