Where have I been? Yikes! My beloved More Torah readers – I am sorry for the prolonged absence. And there is so much to tell.
Here is a crazy experience: last Thursday I was tired beyond belief – more tired than ever. I couldn’t figure out why. I got up, had a cup of coffee, got on with my day – and it was the same as every other day. But I was dying. I fell asleep in the synagogue. I fell asleep eating breakfast. I couldn’t get going.
Later that day I went to Whole Foods (lame hippie garbage I know) to get more coffee. What did I discover? We bought decaf!
I am now starting a crusade to make decaf illegal – what an outrage.
March 17th, 2009
Great news! My new book is out. This book is everything you ever wanted to know about word-of-mouth recruitment on a college campus. You will learn about the 12 standard recruitment techniques: what works, what doesn’t, and why. And then you will learn all the secrets to generate real word-of-mouth. Get people talking about your club, group, trip, event, or whatever it is you do!
You can read more and order your copy at Lulu. DO IT!
February 23rd, 2009
You want wild?
My dream guitar in high school was the B.C. Rich Bich. It was handmade, neck-through-the-body, really expensive, and loaded with oodles of cool buttons. As I got better at guitar, I made it my mission to get one. I worked summer jobs and slaved away for about two years. Finally one day I made the trek to Sam Ash music in Paramus and bought one. I was in heaven. (This is exactly what mine looked like):
My B.C. Rich was my main guitar throughout high school and college, and the main axe I used when I began playing professionally. Most of the recording sessions I did in the early 90’s were done with it too.
But it had its drawbacks – the biggest being the Kahler whammy bar. The guitar was always out of tune, and very difficult to get back into tune. On gigs, if I broke a string, I was forced to switch guitars (not true with most guitars with a standard bridge). As the years went by, I got fed up and eventually made the switch to the Tele and Les Paul I still use.
Once I was living in Israel and my music career was on hold, I decided to sell my B.C. Rich. I sold it to a student in Jerusalem for $550 and though it was sad, I never looked back.
Until last week.
I was in Phoenix giving a talk and my host told me about the cool B.C. Rich he found in a dumpster in Har Nof. I said, “What kind?” He said, “A Bich.” I said, “I used to have one. It had a big crack in the neck.” (I dropped it once on a gig. It was repaired but left a wound.)
This is where it gets cool.
He had just moved to Phoenix and was still unpacking. He unwrapped the B.C. Rich and…
…it was my guitar! No joke. Crack on the neck and everything.
The guitar has taken a real beating and needs love. But there it was. How insane is that?
(You can read about a similar model here.)
November 23rd, 2008
Good news.
Fluffy scored her second “kill” this morning.
Found this morning at the bottom of the stairs was a mouse – lifeless, dead. Fluffy was next to her trophy (and made sure we all saw).
Fluffy’s first “kill” was on Rosh Hashanah, although she was still taunting her pray when we left the house and therefore the “kill” remains unconfirmed. But today’s – what a treat.
I think we’ll serve fish for dinner, unless someone can suggest something better.
November 4th, 2008
If you are like me and you need to get up before 7 AM, you have probably noticed that it is dark-like-night when you wake up. This is unnatural and weird.
I hate waking up in the dark, especially when it is not in the middle of winter.
Why are we still on “daylight savings time”?
This unnatural state of prolonged morning darkness is the product of Massachusetts Congressman Ed Markey. Markey thinks we should get rid of standard time to save energy (daylight savings all year long).
Excuse me Mr. Markey but:
- Stupid idea
- You are ruining my mornings
Fortunately, Markey’s plan didn’t pass. Instead we got a compromise. Daylight savings time ends a week later in the fall and starts three weeks earlier in the spring (not good, but better than daylight savings time all year long).
The good news is that this weekend finally marks the end of daylight saving’s hell – life goes back to normal on Sunday.
By the way, Markey is also the chairman of the House Subcommittee on Telecommunications and the Internet and he is actively pushing legislation to shut down free speech and people he disagrees with on the radio.
Darkness all year and an end to free speech – next thing he’ll do is try to stop global warming and ruin my chances of turning Boston into San Diego.
Yikes.
October 31st, 2008
Thursday night after Yom Kippur, I broke my fast on a bowl of fruit and went with my son to Home Depot. The store was crawling with Jews buying Succos supplies (Jews in Home Depot are funny, especially when they all need lumber).
Many of you may remember the airy masterpiece up on my roof – a breezy Succa with tall wooden poles and lattice walls. Well, that Succa is gone. My condo committee voted to redo our decks and away went my braces and the wooden railing to nail in supports. Against my will I was forced to rebuild.
Never mind, in Home Depot I found thin 4X8 panels, 2×3 frames, beams, bolts, wing nuts, a new drill, and you-name-it. My Succa measures about 14 and a half feet by 6 and it is four flights up, so I cut down the 4X8 panels to 2X8 (to lighten the load), built walls, a support structure, and a complicated self-sustaining mounting system.
After 2 days of intensive labor – the new masterpiece is complete, and I have to admit that it is even better than the old one.
The rub? I am in pain. As a matter of fact, I can’t bend at the waist or the knees. I am forced to walk erect and with straight legs. The pain may eventually ease, but for now I am the Tin Man – albeit a happy one able to commune with nature in my Succa.
Was it worth it? You bet – except that I need help putting on my shoes.
October 12th, 2008
As More Torah readers know – I am a health nut and a sucker for healthy eating. And I saw recently that a little bit of chocolate is good for you (it does something, I am not sure what, but I think it has to do with the heart).
Intuitively, store-bought chocolate, loaded up with sugar and junk, cannot be good. But then I started noticing the high percentage cacao chocolate (I don’t know what cacao is – but it sounds healthy). I bought an 83% bar – it was good, a little bitter – but at 83% that means 17% junk – not for me.
Then I found 99%! And the bar apologizes for the 1% (they did it to be careful). It tastes just like raw coffee beans, but eating it feels good (except that it gets pasty and stuck to my teeth), and a lifestyle of 99% can only mean better living.
I am now an advocate for 99% cacao pure healthy chocolate. Along with coffee and shwarma I plan on living forever.
Does anyone know what “evaporated cane juice” is? It sounds like a scam to me…
October 12th, 2008
In spite of my commitment to style, and even though I am one good-looking bearded dude, I decided it is finally time to say good-bye to the mass of growth on my face.
I have accomplished a lot these past few months and I have achieved more then most men ever dream of. I am proud of what I have done. But like all great things, it is time to move on.
You can see from the different photos below that my beard was indeed a fine example of what a beard can be. A man should not be limited to a clean-shaven face – raw skin is for hands, or elbows – or maybe why some men go bald. But the face – the face is a place of growth and male expression.
Figure 3 is the “horned” look. Notice how the beard neatly parts down the middle, allowing room for the skin underneath to breath.
In figure 4 we find the “wild” beard. Not a traditional look, and clearly only a style appropriate for a humid (or possibly very electric) day.
My decision to trim my beard down to size was one I did not take lightly. Ultimately it was rooted in practicality – in my unending love for my beard I couldn’t keep my hands off of it.
I would pull and tug, contorting my face into new and strange shapes. True, I still looked good even with the extra strain, but my face was starting to hurt and I was causing concern amongst the people around me – so I opted for change.
The transformation was painless, although it did leave emotional scars. Now all that is left is a pile of fluff.
But alas, I can always grow it again.
September 8th, 2008
Call me slow, but I finally figured out why Obama had that crazy Greek temple stage set-up for his speech in Denver last week – he thinks he is Spartacus. (Compare photos below.)
True, Obama can only take his Spartacus fetish so far – he cannot give a major political address in his underwear and holding a sword. But he can stand in front of Greek columns.
(Yes, I know, the real Spartacus was in Roman times – so what? In the subliminal world these subtleties are unimportant.)
I am sorry but I don’t think it worked. First of all, Obama didn’t have the arm guard – in my opinion the most important part of the outfit.
Secondly, try as he might, Obama is no Kirk Douglas. Proof? Kirk had legendary filmmaker Stanley Kubrick to design his set – Obama had to settle for someone who works for Brittney Spears.
September 2nd, 2008
Beards are big news and a lot of people are asking me about them. I wonder, with so much talk about Obama and the DNC this week, maybe a good test of a candidate’s presidential-ness should be whether or not he can grow a beard.
I searched the web and it turns out I am not the only one thinking about presidential beards. Check out this photo-shopped rendering of a bearded McCain:
I don’t know if it is an accurate representation of what McCain would actually look like with a beard, but you have to admit – he does look good. If McCain with a beard even vaguely resembles this picture, then he needs to grow one – and fast – I think it would do wonders for him in the polls.
Here is a legitimate photo of a bearded Al Gore:
No one really cares about Gore any more, but I bet if he had his beard in 2000 he would be president today.
I couldn’t find much about Obama and beards, and it makes me wonder – can Obama even grow one? I have never seen a photo of a bearded Obama.
Have you?
If word got out that Obama couldn’t grow a beard, it would ruin his candidacy – maybe this is why he is always so careful to be perfectly clean-shaven every time he appears in public.
What are you trying to hide Obama?
I mentioned in an earlier post that Obama does look great in a kipa, and I stand by that – he has style. But if he can’t grow a beard then what good does all that style do him? Not much.
Here is a picture of Obama with a cigarette:
Very cool. Perhaps smoking is a way to offset his beard problem.
I don’t smoke, but I have a beard. Maybe if I started smoking I could run for president.
I couldn’t find a cigarette, so here is a photo of me (with beard) and a pen:
Do I look presidential?
August 27th, 2008
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