In the interest of education, rabbinical awareness, and as a result of massive public inquiry, I have prepared this short exposé.
People don’t often talk about beards – particularly in relation to style – and it is therefore my hope that I can do my part to shed light and offer guidance.
Consider figure one:
Notice how the beard and hat naturally complement each other – the hat adding height and the beard, length. The hat and beard combination is a standard look found in most communities around the Jewish world. As in contrast to figure two:
Figure two is a striking look indeed! Typical amongst Jewish desert dwellers, the beard adds a rugged, harder edge.
In figure three we find a look more common amongst Jewish educators in the Diaspora. The beard and sunglasses create a natural balance that enables the educator to “blend in” with the general population.
Finally in figure four we find a more personal, contemplative look. The beard is neatly tucked away to allow for meditation and quiet introspection.
Far from being a nuisance, the beard enables the Jewish man to take on myriad looks, conform to new trends and fashion, and to express his uniqueness and individuality.
August 24th, 2008
About two years ago the song “Black Betty” started popping up everywhere. (I vaguely remember it as a seventies anthem, but that is about it.) Everyone knows it - and I am often singing it to myself - but no one knows who recorded it.
My guess is Aerosmith (obviously wrong), so I googled it. Ready?
“Black Betty” is a reworking of a Leadbelly recording by one-hit-wonder Ram Jam (remember them? I don’t either) and reached #18 in 1977. It was attacked by the NAACP (I don’t know why) and made it into the top ten in Europe and Australia.
This is a link to the video (amazing right?) don’t you wish it could be 1977 again? Pay particular attention to the lip-syncing, it will change your life.
August 16th, 2008
I heard yesterday that McCain is thinking about a Jew for the VP slot and my instant, knee-jerk reaction is, “No way, bad news, we don’t need a Jew in the White House.”
For many reasons, the worst thing we Jews need is a Jewish president (or Jewish VP for that matter). His hands would be tied as he did contortions to prove he is not “favoring Israel” or “Jewish interests.” I say, give us a good old bible-thumping Christian. They make the best Zionists and will take care of our interests.
But then I took a look at the guy they are talking about – Eric Cantor – and in spite of my philo-Semitic misgivings, he looks great. He is an anti-tax, small government, pro-business conservative, strong on all the social issues, and this is the best part – one of Israel’s most avid congressional supporters.
My conclusion is like this: If the McCain camp is thinking, “We need a Jew so we can win over the Jewish vote.” Bad idea. Most Jewish voters are idiots and are loyal to Obama and his message. But if they are just looking for a great guy who will balance the ticket – then Cantor is the man.
Think of it, we could easily end up with a Jew in the White House and wow; he would be from the last place anyone would have ever guessed.
August 4th, 2008
The mice are running rampant in my house – or at least they were.
Mice were in the walls, behind the stove, under the fridge, in the garage, by the couch – anywhere you would expect mice to be – they were there.
We tried professionals – they were useless. The “professionals” blocked up holes and within a day the mice made new ones.
We tried poison – the mice ate the poison and became immune.
We tried traps (glue, old fashioned snap-the-head-off traps, plastic hut traps) – the mice avoided them.
I watched the mice, found their points of entry and then set traps in those spots (anticipating a massacre) – the mice emerged unscathed. We even found traps unsnapped with the bait gone.
Enter Fluffy.
Fluffy lives for the hunt. Her instinct is to attack and kill. She dreams about blood and mouse flesh in her teeth.
The mice are aware of this new predator in their midst and they run in fear. Yes, you can still hear the occasional scurrying in the walls, but gone are the brave forays into the kitchen or out into the open space of the living room (and I suspect even the scurrying will soon come to an end).
Fluffy is still in training. She hones her skills attacking plastic bags, shoelaces, and children. But her killer instincts are apparent to all and I almost pity the first mouse to cross her path.
July 29th, 2008
Beards are in (as noted by the New York Times and mentioned in a previous post) and my beard is no exception.
I am no newcomer to the world of beards – I quit shaving in late 1993 and I have never looked back – and now I am experimenting with a long beard. (This is a second attempt, the last time I grew it long was about 13 years ago.)
A few myths to dispel about beards:
- They are not hot
- They do not itch (more about itching below)
- If you clean them, nothing grows in them
Itchy beards:
Yes, when you first grow your beard it itches. It itches for about five weeks and then during the sixth week it feels like you have something on your face. But then it is over and it just feels like “face” (most men wimp out in the first five weeks – hence the myth). If you can make it through the itch – for the rest of your life you can enjoy the itch-free benefits of being bearded. No more shaving, no more irritated skin, no more wasted time, no more bleeding – just a wonderful beard.
It looks great right? I cannot guarantee that my long beard will last the summer, but for now I am enjoying it and my family and friends are amazed by its mass.
More beard news:
- According to this site – beards are the way you can identify the Jews in Egyptian hieroglyphics
- Beards.org is a site dedicated to growing beards – see link below
July 28th, 2008
Check out this video – it is Obama at the Kotel at 5 AM.
I am surprised that Obama’s handlers didn’t make the effort to learn about the Wall’s daily prayer services. At 5 AM the pious Jews of Jerusalem are at the Wall to pray with the rising sun (about 1,000 people are there on any given morning – all year long). Before staging a massive media event at an important holy site – I think it is important to learn what goes on there so as not to disturb the regulars. (Though to be fair, it doesn’t look like anyone cares.)
A few points from the video:
- I think Obama looks great in a kipa – maybe he is really Jewish. Has anyone explored this possibility?
- Obama didn’t kiss the Wall. I think he is afraid. I often find that non-Jews are afraid to get too close (Jews push their bodies right up to it, kiss it, hold on to it.)
- Although Obama looks great in a kipa, his security team looks ridiculous. If Obama really wants to be president, he needs to teach his team about Jewish fashion.
- Why is Obama wearing a black bracelet and how did he avoid the red string people? Maybe Madonna and her Kaballah friends can send him one – I would hate for Obama to feel he missed out on an essential cultural experience.
I am surprised that Obama was up so early. You may say, “jetlag.” But I say, “forget jetlag, if he had eaten a shwarma then clearly he would be sleeping.” Once again – more proof Obama is a flawed (albeit stylish) candidate.
July 24th, 2008
This kind of thing really ticks me off:
In Chicago, people like Robert Perry are subjected to exhaustive security checks. He was patted down, his wheel chair was examined and his hands were swabbed, all in public view in a see-through room at the security checkpoint. Perry, 71, is not alone
“It’s humiliation,” Perry said.
Perry was also taken to a see-through room by a TSA agent when his artificial knee set off the metal detector.
“He yelled at me to get the belt off. ‘I told you to get the belt off.’ So I took the belt off. He ran his hands down over and pulled the pants down, they went down around my ankle,” Perry said.
At that point, Perry was standing in his underwear in public view. He asked to see a supervisor. That made things worse.
“She was yelling ‘I have power, I have power, I have power,” Perry said. The power to stop him from flying to Florida with his wife that day to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
I fly a lot and I think the TSA has taken this security thing a little too far (compounded by the fact that they are idiots).
100% of all airline terrorism is perpetrated by one group of people – Muslim men between the ages of 16 and 45 (100% – no other group has ever hijacked a plane).
Like hello you brainless ninnies – identify the bad guys and go after them. Old men in wheelchairs, hipsters with body piercings, children – and any other demographic you can think of – do not hijack planes. It is has never happened – ever.
Stop being politically correct and actually do your job and protect us. Don’t torture obviously innocent people. Don’t waste our time. Let us bring liquids on airplanes – and leave us alone!
July 23rd, 2008
There is another site on the web making the world a better place with shwarma! Shwarma will bring us together.
In other news, Obama is in Israel right now – the true test of his worth as a candidate will be whether or not he gets a shwarma. My guess is he won’t. Friends of Israel should note this lapse and vote accordingly.
July 22nd, 2008
An old friend of mine coined the phrase “cylindrical tubes of coolness” to describe cigarettes. He was right, they are cylindrical, and smokers are cool, but the obvious health risks should be enough to discourage anyone with a brain from smoking.
What shocks me is how prevalent smoking is in Charedi circles. As far as I know, Charedim are not immersed in American pop culture, or are a part of the chic Euro-disco crowd. So like, if you don’t like the Doors and you never saw a poster of James Dean – why start?
It seems now the Charedi establishment (at least one group) is taking a definitive stand against smoking:
Jews are not allowed to smoke, and they are required to observe a healthful way of life, said Rabbi Moshe Shaul Klein, rabbi of Bnei Brak’s Ma’ayanei Hayeshuva Medical Center and representative of the halacha committee of one of the city’s leading rabbinical arbiters, Rabbi Shmuel Wosner.
Although I do have a lot of sympathy for the plight of today’s smokers (kicked out of bars, offices, and in some states their cars!), I think that ultimately this statement is a good thing. Hopefully it is a first step to bringing a healthier lifestyle and health awareness to the whole of the Jewish community.
July 10th, 2008
I typed “Jewish” into the Google blog search and this awesome site about Jewish music popped up. (I don’t know how Google knows I am a music geek and that I love this stuff – I guess I should give more kudos to the power of Google). The site, Teruah – Jewish Music, is eclectic, open, and a veritable smorgasbord of Jewish music in all genres. I am particularly impressed with its great attitude and positive vibes.
I contacted the blogger (Jack) to tell him I dig his site and he ended up writing this very nice review about my CD, Jewish Roots Music. Check him out and give mad props to a brother.
July 9th, 2008
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